Sign off

Due to some recent hardware issues and not really having a whole lot of free time to regularly post due to family and work commitments, I've decided to shutter Obscurantist Drivel/WODS-TV Channel 73 for the foreseeable future.

I do hope to return eventually since there are a bunch of films I didn't get a chance to slice and dice that I would still love to discuss here (I'm looking at you, Overlords of the UFO!) but I am glad to have made it through an entire year with stuff left over to talk about, and hope anyone out there that stumbled upon this shabby little electronic fan 'zine enjoyed it.

With that being said: adios muchachos!

 

THIS IS A TEST.

THIS STATION IS CONDUCTING A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM.
THIS IS ONLY A TEST.

Autumnal Equinox

It's the first day of fall today which means it's time once again to check in on 'ol Ranger Asmodeus:

Megaforce

Despite official denials by leaders of the free world, sources now confirm the existence of Megaforce, a phantom army of super elite fighting men whose weapons are the most powerful science can devise. 

Their mission....to preserve freedom and justice battling the forces of tyranny and evil in every corner of the globe. 

This 1982 summer schlockbuster--helmed by stuntman Hal Needham, director of the beloved Smokey and the Bandit II (1980), The Cannonball Run II (1984) and Rad (1986) among others--is like some demented offspring of a Sid and Marty Krofft kiddie TV show and a U. S. armed forces recruitment commercial; it's basically a live action version of a 1980s boy's cartoon/toy line like G.I. Joe or M.A.S.K. but with characters sketched even MORE paper thin than the animated Duke or Matt Trakker from those cartoons ever were, and was undoubtedly one of the inspirations for Team America: World Police (2004).

I wouldn't in good conscience ever call Megaforce one of the great films of all time, but it certainly was pretty damn stoopid entertaining fun to this lunkhead.  Filmed using IntroVision, a pre-CGI type of front projection composited in camera, Megaforce looks pretty good even on my bare bones budget DVD, though with a 20 million dollar budget behind it had really ought to.  There's some nice miniature model work, some kick ass 'splosions, a few holograms/holographs, and lotsa, lotsa spandex with costumes designed by Mattel, but it's obvious the majority of the budget went towards the spandex, er, I mean the full size working vehicles used in the film: a whole fleet of motorcycles with machine guns and rocket launchers mounted on the handlebars (Pew!); tricked out dune buggies with slick racing stripes that shoot cool blue Terminator Future War style lasers animated by Ralph Bakshi Productions (Pew! Pew!); and even some crazy high tech six wheeled mobile computer lab thing with a revolving radar dish on top and everything (Pew! Pew! Pew! Beep! Boop!). Totally f'n awesome stuff like that, poppin' wheelies, jumpin' over tanks and shootin' stuff--20 mil worth baby!  Oh, and there's a cameo by a Rubik's Cube too.

I won't spoil all the details of the-film-with-the-catchphrase "Deeds Not Words" for anyone that hasn't seen Megaforce yet, but will just say the plot revolves around the theft of a cigarette lighter and something about the invasion of the fictitious and peaceful Republic of Sardun by the military forces of its aggressive and equally fictitious neighbor Gamibia, led by the ruthless Duke Guerera played by Henry Silva (who I recognized from a few old episodes of The Outer Limits) in a prescient foreshadowing of the eerily similar invasion of Kuwait by Saddam Hussein's Iraqi army eight short years later in 1990.  There are also references to a secret underground base in the desert a la Area 51 which houses this super elite international phantom army, along with a high tech computer system that monitors all global communications, friendly or hostile, with the personal information of every living human being on earth stored in the giant computer's data banks, creepily available at the touch of a button to members of Megaforce... paging Edward Snowden... oh wait, he won't be born until 1983 so wouldn't be much help in '82 anyway, so forget you melon farmer!

But enough about cigarette lighters, geopolitics and privacy (or the lack thereof in the modern age), one other thing Megaforce was way ahead of its time in depicting was FLYING MOTORCYCLES!  Yes flying motorcycles, though there are also scenes of regular non-flying motorcycles and dune buggies parachuting out of the sky from planes, I'm talking about honest to God flying motorcycles here: armored bikes with light sensitive paint, capable of running totally silent in stealth mode--though their normal engine sound is a deep electronic rumble similar to the legendary Evel Knievel's mythical Stratocycle; these bad boys can shoot rockets and laser beams from their handlebars, can emit a smoke screen in all the colors of the rainbow from their tail pipes, have a built in self destruct mechanism in case they fall into enemy hands and ALSO THEY CAN FLY!

A word or two must be said about the star of the film, Ace Hunter as played by a helmet haired Barry Bostwick.  Oozing oodles of goofy charm, Ace Hunter rocks a Jesus beard and baby blue silk headband to complement his standard issue body hugging spandex military uniform, as he quips his way through the film as leader of Megaforce.

How smooth is Ace Hunter?  His trademark move is kissing his thumb and then giving the thumbs up sign to his Sardunian love interest Major Zara played by the lovely Persis Khambatta, sporting a bit more hair here than she did in Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979).

The rousing soundtrack is pretty great with some nice music video era electronic synths and a patriotic sounding martial main theme by Jerrold Immel.  The best though is the totally awesome song "Mega Force" by the band 707 that plays over the end credits along with clips from the film.  This catchy hard rock guitar anthem also repeats on a loop over the DVD main menu so if you happen to fall asleep watching it, you may wake up humming along with the words memorized through subliminal osmosis.  Here's the aforementioned song over the end credits; but just a word of warning if you'd like to avoid spoilers, since this is basically a greatest hits montage of the entire film:



Best line is a toss up.  First one is from Duke Guerera the bad guy to Ace Hunter the good guy near the climax of the film:
"You're an idealist.  In the seventies we could be idealists, but today... it's too expensive!"

Later, Hunter says to Guerera:
"The good guys always win... even in the eighties."

Wait, what the hell?!?

And here's a trailer.  Enjoy!

We'll return after these messages...

Train at home for a better career in the burgeoning field of TV/VCR repair!

Enjoy this commercial for International Correspondence Schools featuring Sally Struthers:

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Commercial for Sears Craftsman lawn mowers:

Public Service Announcement

"We're Not Candy!" PSA from your friendly neighborhood Poison Control Center:

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Magnavox TV commercial with Lloyd Bridges:

We'll be right back...

I never went back when I was young people, but I do remember seeing this commercial many, many times watching TV (how could I ever forget that music?), and I always wanted to go to this magical camp where smiley face balloons talk, days are filled with fun activities and one can take "long swims in the pool".

Here's a commercial for Young People's Day Camp:

Musica Moonday

"That Happy Feeling" by Bert Kaempfert:

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Commercial for totally awesome Rocks & Bugs & Things toys:

Don't touch that dial...

Colorful station ID for WPIX, channel 11:

Public Service Announcement

Een Zone of Twilight, forest fires prevent YOU!

(With apologies to both Rod Serling and Yakov Smirnoff.)

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Commercial for Dutch Wonderland amusement park in Lancaster, Pennsylvania:

Musica Moonday

"The Tra La La Song (One Banana, Two Banana)" by the Banana Splits:

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Commercial for the fun 'n' deadly Action Park in Vernon, New Jersey; also referred to as "Traction Park", "Accident Park" or "Class Action Park" by area emergency room doctors due to six confirmed fatalities that occurred there during its original incarnation between 1978-1996:

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Here's Evel Knievel for AMF Roadmaster bicycles:

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This program brought to you by Popeil's Pocket Fisherman:

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Forever burnt into my brain:

Have a summer of fun in the Poconos,
At your host with the most in the Poconos:
Beautiful Mount Airy Laaaaahhhdge!

Musica Moonday

Here's the incomparable Don Knotts crooning "I Wish I Were a Fish" from the 1964 Lovecraftian kiddie film The Incredible Mr. Limpett:

Obscurantist Drivel's First Birthday

Huzzah!  Obscurantist Drivel is one year old today.

Awwwww, isn't Obscurantist Drivel just adorable drooling all over itself?  Uh oh, smells like Obscurantist Drivel just pooped itself...

Enjoy this slice of a virtual Carvel Cookie Puss ice cream cake while I take care of business (thank you):

What the Peeper Saw

"Poor Marcus, poor little devil..."

I first came across What the Peeper Saw back in the late 1980s at my best friend Robby McDonald's house in rural New Jersey late one Saturday night as we were channel surfing trying to find something else to watch after Saturday Night Live.  According to James Arena in his fantastic 2012 retrospective tome, Fright Night on Channel 9: Saturday Night Horror Films on New York's WOR-TV, 1973-1987, this 1972 film aired in the final year of Fright Night's fourteen year long run on channel 9 WOR-TV on May 9, 1987, so this was probably the exact date my buddy and I stumbled across it.  I don't think we watched the whole thing but probably caught it already in progress as we flipped back and forth during commercial breaks between Night Flight or Saturday Night Dead, intrigued by the radiant Swedish beauty of Britt Ekland and the suggestive incestuous overtones between her and her young stepson--though admittedly if Britt Ekland was my stepmother I would probably go crazy with Oedipal yearnings as well.

Watching this film again for the first time several decades later I found there was quite a bit of tastefully shot soft focus nudity which I'm sure was mostly cut out of that late night airing so long ago but I do seem to recall seeing quite a bit of skin back then which had kept this memorable title stuck in my brain ever since; for several years afterwards Robby and I--hopped up on coffee and cigarettes or, later on in high school, semi-zonked out of our heads on harsh locally grown skunk weed and/or oregano--would channel surf the analog airwaves late at night in vain, always searching for What the Peeper Saw, hoping to catch another airing of that weird Euro trash movie about the pervy kid and his hot blond step mom we saw that one time.

Marcus, the sociopathic kid at the center of the film played effectively by Mark Lester, has a memorably creepy scene early on in the film where he unabashedly takes a bath in front of his new step mother Elise, the aforementioned Ms. Ekland; he proceeds to play with a rubber bath toy, evocatively squeezing it so that water squirts from it in a not very subtle Freudian act before groping her bosom from behind while she's on the telephone with his recently widowed father.  This was the very scene that Robby and I saw years ago, after which we just looked at each other and said in unison, "what the fuck is this movie we're watching, and how have we never seen it on TV before?".

After finally seeing the entire uncut film again on the recent Blu-ray release from VCI, I can say this really is one great little fucked up movie, with a fucked up ending to match, though I can see why it was probably only ever shown once or twice late at night and not frequently aired during daylight hours in a Saturday afternoon monster movie matinee slot for the kiddies!

A few other small and probably insignificant observations from this sleazy exploitation psycho-drama:

• The main titles look like something straight out of a Wes Anderson film:

• The movie was produced by Leisure-Media, Inc., the most seventies sounding film production name ever.

• Young master Marcus has a German Shepherd named Trotsky(!?)

• There's an odd scene occurring in the background during the latter half of the film that takes place at a swinging shindig where several party guests gather around a human table comprised of a presumably naked black woman laying on her back with fruit perched on top of her body for the guests to partake of and enjoy.

• There's a strange painting of what looks like a three headed horse or perhaps a bull's head in the main couple's bedroom, the type of painting that would traumatize a young child for life.

I'm sure there are other similar little details that I missed but these were the ones that stuck out for me.

Here's the trailer, enjoy!

Happy 7/11 aka Free Slurpee Day!

Commercial for 7-Eleven's Superman IV: The Quest for Peace 32 oz Super Slurpee movie collector cups:

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Commercial for the fun 'n' deadly Water Wiggle from Wham-O:

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Crazy Eddie Fourth of July sale commercial:

First day of summer!

Here's a vintage commercial for 7-Eleven to celebrate the summer solstice:

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Commercial for beautiful Mount Airy Lodge:

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Secrets & Mysteries promo spot (Late Night Saturdays at 3:30 am):

Musica Moonday

"Powerhouse" by the Raymond Scott Quintette:

Rest in Peace Christopher Lee

Christopher Lee
1922-2015

For fans of a certain age, Christopher Lee will be fondly remembered as the quintessential Dracula from his roles in the Hammer horror films of the 1950s-70s.

For those born more recently he simply was the traitorous wizard Saruman the White from The Lord of the Rings trilogy (or perhaps as Willy Wonka's dentist father as my neuro-typical wife would refer to him).

For me though, Christopher Lee will be forever etched into my brain as the deceptively charming Lord Summerisle from The Wicker Man (1973).

A rule to live by: never underestimate an eccentric English lord rocking a mustard yellow turtleneck/tweed jacket combo and crazy-man hair without suffering the same fate as poor ol' Sergeant Howie.

Here's a short clip of Lee in The Wicker Man:

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The Legend of Zelda commercial for the Nintendo Entertainment System:

Poor Pretty Eddie

Yowza, here's a new old one I watched recently for the first time: Poor Pretty Eddie aka Redneck County, Black Vengeance, and Heartbreak Motel .  This sleazy 1975 backwoods set hicksploitation flick stars Shelly Winters, Slim Pickens, and Ted "Lurch" Cassidy and was apparently produced by pornographers attempting to make a legitimate mainstream picture to avoid undue attention by the FBI!  It knocked my socks so far off my feet I was inspired to write this capsule review entirely in haiku form.

Caution: spoilers ahead!

Poor pretty Eddie
Slow motion kick to the crotch
Shelly Winters sloshed

Rape scene cutaway
Rednecks ogling humping dogs
White sequined jumpsuit

Rabbit stew breakfast
Is that a dog collar?  Yep
This meal is ruined

Low Southern Gothic
Race relations? Women's rights?
Slim pickin's down here

Lurch stabbed but not dead
D. Lynchian red wedding
Not so pretty Ed

Here's a trailer:

We'll return after these messages...

Battle Beasts commercial (collect all 84!):

Dirty Mary Crazy Larry

In preparation for the new Mad Max film coming out soon which looks to be a welcome throw back to the dangerous practical automotive stunts of yore, I watched Dirty Mary Crazy Larry (1974) this weekend as a testament of how car chase films used to be made before the advent of CGI, namely using real live cars to actually smash up and destroy on film, and the main star in this one is a real beauty, a 1969 lime green Dodge Charger R/T 440.

There are a couple scenes in this flick that I almost couldn't believe were actually done live on camera were it not for mine own eyes: one a high speed chase involving a police helicopter flying perilously close to the aforementioned Charger--a scene with an added element of pathos since the late Vic Morrow was a passenger on this non fatal helicopter ride--and the ironic climactic scene, which I shan't spoil for anyone that has never watched this film, but which is a pretty amazing shot to see for the first time and would probably be done in CGI if filmed today.

Starring Peter Fonda--with his long flowing locks looking startlingly similar here to a pre-op Bruce Jenner--and an unbilled cameo by Roddy McDowall, Dirty Mary Crazy Larry is a great action car chase flick; it would make a good double feature with Tanatino's Death Proof.

Here's the trailer:

May the Fourth be with you

Hagoromo sea chicken commercial:

Musica Moonday

"Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah" by Jet Screamer:

Radio Free Albemuth

I haven't really had a ton of time to view many fantastic films or post much here on Obscurantist Drivel lately other than the odd commercial or two, though I did sit down to watch some more trad films, most recently The Maltese Falcon (1941) and The Ten Commandments (1956), the latter of which had some pretty interesting proto-sci-fi/horror concepts.

One genre film that I did happen to catch last week on Netflix was the 2010 adaptation of Philip K. Dick's Radio Free Albemuth, which despite the low budget and Syfy channel level acting and special effects was a pretty faithful and interesting adaptation of PKD's posthumously published novel of political paranoia and an alien satellite beaming knowlege directly into people's brains via a pink laser beam.  Keep an eye open for small parts from Rich Sommer (Harry Crane from Mad Men) as an FBI agent and Ashley Greene (one of the sparkly vampires from Twilight) as a Jesus fish necklace wearing delivery person.  And hey, isn't that Alanis Morissette?!  Maybe some day we'll also get a screen adaptation of VALIS, PKD's published-during-his-lifetime and amazingly-even-weirder-than-the-original rewrite of Radio Free Albemuth; if Amazon's upcoming The Man in the High Castle series is a hit, I'm sure we'll see more PKD adaptations coming down the pike.

Don't go in expecting a Blade Runner type visual masterpiece; if your expectations are tempered accordingly you may enjoy this odd little talky low budget film, obviously a labor of love from its creators; there are worse ways to waste a couple hours of your life.

Here's the trailer:

Public service announcement

Give a hoot! Don't pollute.

Happy Earth Day from Woodsy Owl:

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K-tel Tape Selector commercial:

Musica Moonday

"Time to Change" by The Brady Bunch Kids:

Please do not adjust your set...

We're experiencing technical difficulties.

Please stand by...

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K-tel Zipp Ball commercial:

Happy Easter!

Commercial for Dudley's Easter egg coloring kits starring Dudley Rabbit:

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Carvel Cookie Chick commercial (thank you):

And here's Sting to play us out...

Please to enjoy this classic Bill O. Inside Edition freak out for April Fools' Day:

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Cadbury Creme Egg commercial:

Musica Moonday

"Wild Dreams (Jelly Beans)" by Lancelot Link and The Evolution Revolution:

At the Earth's Core

As I mentioned in my previous post, I first watched At the Earth's Core (1976) some time in the mid 1980s on a Sunday afternoon airing of "Planet 7 Cinema" on WABC-TV channel 7 out of NYC, and in spite of its pre-Star Wars level low budget special effects, e.g. men in stiff rubber monster costumes; a giant fire breathing toad that explodes like a '75 Ford LTD after being hurled off a cliff; steam train and Iron Mole vehicles that are obviously miniature models; set bound jungle foliage, etc. I, as an ardent fan of Doctor Who was well versed in the ability to overlook such production "quirks" and have loved this juvenile escapist fantasy adventure ever since; to this day I think it's a perfect film to doze off to on a rainy Sunday afternoon.  Maybe it's just me but there's something oddly soothing about a '70s synthesizer score combined with weird electronically modulated staccato voices of subhuman pig men that lulls me into a state of altered consciousness, not fully awake yet still just this side of the border of Slumberland.

I love how the film begins with the sounds of electronic synths typical of some arty 70s prog rock song before mutating into a triumphal orchestral score over scenes of British industrial might.  It then moves along at a nice, brisk pace--it's only about twelve minutes and 4,000 miles later before the steampunk'd out earth boring vehicle, the Iron Mole, piloted by the brawny Doug McClure as David Innes and Peter Cushing as Doctor Abner Perry (who is essentially reprising his role of the absent minded genius from the two 1960s theatrical Dr. Who films) burrows beneath the Earth's crust and they're in the fanciful underground world of Pellucidar.  Like Dorothy stepping out of her sepia toned Kansas world into Technicolor Oz, these two nineteenth century specimens of American virility and English ingenuity are here greeted by a weirdly illumined pink sky, and within five minutes of arriving they're attacked by a bird beaked Anglo kaiju before being captured by a band of pig faced troglodytic Sagoth.  A word about the dinosaurs in this film: as mentioned earlier these are not Harryhausen level stop motion creations, but instead are more akin to the man in suit kaiju from Godzilla films, but they still possess personality and their own special charms, particularly the aforementioned giant fire breathing toad and one stiff moving triceratops-like creature that looks as though it lumbered straight out of a Victorian's conceptual etching of an antediluvian thunder lizard.

Though this is essentially a film for kids, it still has a little something for the dads, namely Caroline Munro as the primitive Dia, whose finely shaped bosom--tanned, oiled and fairly busting out of her animal skin brassiere--could have gotten top billing above even Messrs. Cushing and McClure, for Munro's divine bodily architecture surely must have kick started puberty for many a young red blooded male, including yours truly, and probably for just as many young females at that.  Along with such primeval sex appeal there is also a bit of the old ultra-violence present (I'm exaggerating, it's really just regular violence) that may not be appropriate for the youngest or most sensitive of children: in one scene, Doug McClure battles a prehistoric hippopotamus which he then stabs in the ear hole, leaving the side of its head a bloody red mess.  Soon after, one of the pterodactyl like Mahars is violently garroted with a chain around the neck, Jabba the Hutt style.  Really nothing most of us haven't seen by around the age of five years old though.

The film was obviously shot studio bound but due to the lush foliage and set dressing looks more expansive than it surely was, helped greatly by the colorful cinematography; the pink, purple, yellow, green, red, and orange hues lend an air of fantastique luridness that make some scenes look as though they were conjured up directly from the cover of some tattered, dog eared pulp scifi magazine, and as such the recent Blu-ray release from Kino Lorber comes highly recommended.  One wishes that director Kevin Connor could have teamed up with stop motion giant Ray Harryhausen in the 1970s to create a series of similarly pulpy films based on Edgar Rice Burroughs' John Carter of Mars books: Doug McClure could have made a fine albeit burly John Carter and Caroline Munro a voluptuous red skinned princess of Mars.

Here's my favorite bit of dialogue:
David Innes (Doug McClure): "Get a tight hold, Doc."
Dr. Abner Perry (Peter Cushing): "I have a firm grip upon your trousers, David."

Enjoy the trailer:

Don't touch that dial...

Here's a fantastic intro and commercial bumpers for a short lived Sunday afternoon genre movie series called "Planet 7 Cinema" that aired on channel 7 WABC-TV in the New York City area in the mid 1980s.  I always recalled this intro primarily because it was where I first watched At the Earth's Core (1976) one lazy Sunday afternoon at the family home in New Jersey, and since then always associated a strange laughing blue mechanical man and wind up dog with that film due to the great triumphal intro score by Mike Vickers that was also used to good effect in this creative and colorful bumper that really captured my imagination as a kid.

Special tip 'o the hat to YouTuber Tapthatt2012 for preserving this little piece of NYC television nostalgia for future generations.

Enjoy!



Note: I really don't recall if the silence at the beginning of this clip before the music kicks in was intentional or a transmission error, though my guess is it is an error.  One would think the little toy dog's yaps should be audible but until any other version shows up on YouTube, this is all we've got to go by.

We'll be back right after these messages...

Miller Lite commercial with Yakov Smirnoff (Famous Russian Comedian):

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Common Household Deities of North America, Mid to Late Twentieth Century

No. 7,  Bathtub Elves:

Musica Moonday

"It's a Sunshine Day" by The Silver Platters aka The Brady Bunch Kids:

Vernal Equinox

First day of spring!

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Irish Spring commercial with Martin Kove aka Cobra Kai sensai John Kreese from The Karate Kid (1984):

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Dispatches from McDonaldland #3

In which "everything looks green" thanks to Uncle O'Grimacey and his infernal concoction: the Shamrock Shake:

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Carvel commercial with Cookie Puss AND Cookie O'Puss (thanks and a great day to ya now):

Musica Moonday

"The Fox Chase" from Darby O'Gill and the Little People:

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Lucky Charms commercial:

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Colt 45 commercial with Billy Dee Williams:

TV Guide Tuesday, Part 2

Go to Part 1

Grab a big bowl of Lucky Charms and get comfy on the couch as we find ourselves transported back in time to Saturday, June 10, 1978.  Returning to this long ago Saturday morning once again, there are several viewing options to choose from at 8:30 am: brain melting cartoons include Speed Buggy on channel 2, Globetrotters on channels 3 and 4, or Brady Kids on channel 5 or the more educational live-action Big Blue Marble to watch "hula-hoop hopefuls in California practicing for a national championship" on channel 11 or the always dependable Mister Rogers on PBS Channel 12 WHYY-TV serving the Wilmington, Delaware and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania areas.  We also have our first fright flick of the day, the 1961 black and white film, The Devil's Hand on the great Philadelphia independent WTAF-TV channel 29:

From 9 to 10 there are a couple classic 'toons: Bugs Bunny/Road Runner on channels 2 and 10 or Woody Woodpecker on channel 5, along with the slightly less classic Scooby's Laff-A-Lympics on channels 6 and 7, and some more Mister Rogers on channel 13, with Sesame Street popping up at 9:05 on channel 12.  9:30 brings more Popeye & Friends on channel 5 if you didn't get your Popeye fix earlier at 7:30, along with the possibility of seeing a live action Spider-Man sketch on Electric Company on channel 13:

When 10 am rolls around, 1944's Voodoo Man with Bela Lugosi and John Carradine on channel 9 is the obvious choice, though there's always Flintstones on channel 5 or Sesame Street (again) on channel 13 as an option:

More cartoon goodness at 10:30 with Batman/Tarzan on channels 2 and 10, Pink Panther on channels 3 and 4 and Archies on channel 5, with Wild Wild West as a live action drama alternative on the much beloved independent WKBS-TV channel 48 broadcasting out of Philadelphia:

Saturday morning wraps up at 11:00 with the Krofft Supershow on channels 6 and 7, a rerun of I Dream of Jeannie with guest star Sammy Davis Jr. on Channel 11, some cartoon I have absolutely no recollection of called Baggy Pants on channels 3 and 4, or Zoom on channel 13 for the PBS set.  As we savor the last fleeting minutes of this long gone Saturday morning, 11:30 am presents a trio of intriguing sounding possibilities for our viewing pleasure: Secrets of Isis on channels 2 and 10, Space Sentinels on channels 3 and 4, or the 1970 sci-fi film The Forbin Project on channel 9:

And just like that, we emerge out of the bustling cartoon mecca of Saturday morning and into the vast open plains of Saturday afternoon.  Shall we go outside and play in the sun for the remains of the day like normal, healthy children?  Or shall we instead stay inside only to sit zombie-like in front of this boob tube...our pale, glowing skin becoming an ever more sickly pallor, the very hue of white noise static emanating from an unused channel on the UHF wavelength...?  Tune in next time to find out!

Musica Moonday

"Turn Me Up" by Kidd Video:

We'll be back after these messages...

Commercial for McDonald's Star Trek Happy Meal:

Don't touch that dial!

Channel 17 WPHL station ID/Star Trek promo:

TV Guide Tuesday

I've got a few vintage issues of TV Guide that I "liberated" from my good friend Frank Costanza, so I thought it might be interesting every now and then to see what was on television back in the analog days in this new feature on WODS-TV we're calling "TV Guide Tuesday".

First up is a TV Guide for the week of June 10-16, 1978.
Check out that sweet, sweet Close Encounters of the Third Kind inspired cover painting (sorry about that address label, didn't want to risk tearing the cover by trying to remove it):

Very nice!

Ok kids, set your WABAC machine, flux capacitor or TARDIS (depending upon your generational point of reference) to Saturday, June 10, 1978, 5:50 am Eastern Standard Time, head for New Jersey and turn right at the Pine Barrens. Here's the channel line up and early Saturday morning schedule for the New Jersey/Pennsylvania area for this date:

It's hard to believe but there were only seventeen channels total available between New York and Philadelphia back then in '78, and to be honest I don't recall ever getting in channel 23 or 40 where I grew up in central New Jersey--we only ever pulled in fifteen at most, with the UHF channels usually a bit more fuzzy than the majority of the VHF channels (2 through 13).

Even though the listings start at 5:50 am, the actual kid shows didn't really begin until 6:30 am when you had a choice between Casper & Friends on the independent station WNEW-TV channel 5 out of New York or the local live action kid's show Captain Noah on WPVI-TV channel 6, the ABC affiliate out of Philadelphia--unless you were a weird kid and really enjoyed bleary eyed early morning viewings of Agricultural News or the religious program Patterns for Living.

At 7 am you had a few more choices: Underdog on channel 5 being the front runner along with Three Robonic Stooges on CBS channel 10 WCAU-TV out of Philly or Mr. Magoo on WNBC-TV channel 4 out of New York.  If for some odd reason you craved live action instead of animation, you had a few additional options at this hour with several live action kid shows to choose from, including Patchwork Family on WCBS-TV channel 2 out of New York, Chief Halftown on channel 6, and some show I really don't recall called Carrascolendas on both the NBC affiliate out of Philly KYW-TV channel 3 or the independent WPIX-TV channel 11 out of New York; though if you were a glutton for punishment, there was always the dreaded religious killjoy Pat Robertson on the 700 Club on channel 17 WPHL-TV, an independent out of Philly.

At 7:30 you had Muhammed Ali on channel 4, Bugs Bunny & Popeye on channel 5, Popeye and Friends on channel 6, or Marlo and the Magic Movie Machine on channel 10, but it was at 8 am that things really started to "get crazy", kid TV wise.  If you skipped Three Robonic Stooges earlier at 7 am on channel 10, now was your chance to catch them on channel 2, but chances are those robotic knuckleheads would get passed over yet again for more substantial fare, though you had a hard choice ahead of you: Hong Kong Phooey on NBC channels 3 and 4 or Superfriends on ABC channels 6 and 7 (WABC-TV out of New York) being the main contenders, with the Abbott & Costello cartoon on channel 5 running close behind with the slightly more middle brow Gene London show on channel 10, Dusty's Treehouse on channel 11, and the always stalwart Sesame Street on PBS channel 13 WNET-TV in New York bringing up the rear.

Now if you were of the Lutheran persuasion or even a Clokeyite or just an agnostic with a slight Gumbyist bent, you might just decide to forego Zan and Jayna on the Superfriends and switch the dial to channel 9 WOR-TV, an independent in the New York area, to catch up with Davey and Goliath for a half hour of wholesome fun.  Those capsule descriptions above really do sound oddly intriguing: was "Cousin Barney" really Davey's cousin, was Barney even his actual name at all, and why was "Barney's" dad so eager to pawn him off for the whole summer?  And what was the strange machine Davey and Goliath discovered in that abandoned house?  A spinning jenny?  An old bootlegger's still?  A printing press used for counterfeit money?  An atavachron?

Unfortunately, that's all the time we have for now so those questions will just have to remain unanswered mysteries.  Until next time!

Musica Moonday

"Maiden Wine" as sung by the inimitable Mr. Spock:

Rest in Peace Leonard Nimoy

Leonard Nimoy
1931-2015

May the Vulcan philosophy of Kol-Ut-Shan (IDIC, or Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations) live long and prosper.

Clip from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan:

Morozko (AKA Jack Frost)

AKA Frosty AKA The Crystal Star AKA Father Frost

I had a bit of a difficult time thinking of what to say about this strange little Soviet film.  I had not grown up watching Morozko so had no real nostalgic sentiment coloring my views towards it like so many other films from childhood I still look fondly back upon now and still love to this day that perhaps don't really warrant such affection, e.g. Sasquatch: The Legend of Bigfoot; The Alien Encounters;  At the Earth's Core, etc.  I know the English dubbed version known as Jack Frost was roasted on Mystery Science Theater 3000, but I really think this film doesn't deserve derision or even gentle ribbing, but instead demands to be viewed in the context it was made: a film produced in the Soviet Union in the midst of the Cold War in 1964, based on Russian fairy tales and primarily marketed to children.  This is actually a pretty good kiddie film with colorful cinematography, some beautiful set designs, and nice location scenery, and this middle aged yet by all accounts still ruggedly handsome man living in the United States in the 21st Century thoroughly enjoyed this quaint film.  And it has several elements of the fantastique to admire: an ugly witch that lives in a walking house perched atop giant chicken legs, some beautifully gnarled and twisted trees as part of the lush background scenery with some Sid and Marty Krofft style costumed walking tree creatures to boot, and a little mischievous gnome-like creature called Father Mushroom that turns the main hero into a were-bear.  Not bad for a kid's movie!

More than anything, this film reminded me of the Swedish Pippi Longstocking films I grew up watching on TV in the 70s and 80s; you knew there was probably something being lost in translation in the English dubbing of these strange foreign films, but in the end the meaning of the stories is still successfully carried across the airwaves to the viewer--child or adult--transcending the barriers of time, space, language, and cultural differences, and that's not a bad way to spend a lazy afternoon.

Here's the trailer:

Please stand by...

We're experiencing technical difficulties:

Musica Moonday

"You're the Lovin' End" by The Banana Splits:

We'll return after the break...

These infernal snowman hand puppets were a deviously effective bait and switch tactic used on gullible Philly area kids in the 70s and 80s to pause the dial on the big wooden box for a minute or two, only to find they'd ended up on the wholesome, family friendly Al Alberts Showcase instead of what they were really searching the high frequency television aether for: kiddie TV crack like The Herculoids, Land of the Lost, or Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster.

Here's a commercial for "the mark of... Quality", Frosty Acres frozen foods.

Enjoy!

Don't touch that dial!

Krass Brothers commercial and Channel 17 WPHL station ID:

We'll be back after these messages...

Radio Shack commercial:

Musica Moonday

"Sugar, Sugar" by The Archies:

Public Service Announcement

Valentine's Day is for everybody!

We'll return after the break...

Carvel commercial (thank you):

We'll be back after these messages...

York Peppermint Pattie commercial:

Snowbeast

Caution: Spoilers ahead!

Though not given a huge amount of respect from most aficionados of "les cinema du Sasquatch", Snowbeast is still a relatively well made, solid entry in the Bigfoot genre, even if it's not a beloved classic.  Written by The Outer Limits writer/producer Joseph Stefano--who also happened to write the screenplay for a little movie called Psycho--this 1977 made for television film follows the basic template set by Jaws a couple years earlier, with a bloodthirsty Yeti stepping in for the great white shark; instead of a quaint New England fishing village the setting here is a small ski resort town beset by increasingly frequent hominid attacks on the tourist population.

There are not a ton of monster scares in Snowbeast but what it does have are lots and lots of shots of people skiing and snowmobiling with just a sprinkling of sexual tension between the three leads (but unfortunately no fondue): Bo Svenson plays a down on his luck former ski champ; Yvette Mimieux is his long suffering wife who also happens to be a crack investigative TV news reporter who just recently did a story on the mystery of the Sasquatch; and Robert Logan plays her old boyfriend and manager of the local ski lodge that is under assault by the hairy creature.

Like a lot of other 'squatch flicks, the creature in Snowbeast is implied rather than shown straight out, mainly in first person view lurking behind trees and barns, backed by an ominous Jaws like score, with only an occasional glimpse of its great hairy hand.  I wasn't sure if they even had a full costume made for this movie until near the end when the beast is finally seen in its full glory and the film makers' restraint in showing only occasional glimpses becomes fully justified: that ain't no 100% yak hair, Peter Graves approved, The Mysterious Monsters Yeti costume, that's for sure!

And of course, Snowbeast doesn't let you down when it comes to the classic ol' hairy hand smashing through the glass window scene, an always appreciated stock-in-trade scene of 70s Bigfoot films, though instead of a log cabin bedroom or trailer home bathroom window, the Yeti in this flick smashes in a school auditorium window during preparations for the annual winter carnival celebration and the crowning of the new Snow Queen--though in a twist on the usual rite of the winter solstice, it is not the young and virginal Snow Queen that is sacrificed during this frenzied Bacchanalia but the driver of her chariot, the Snow Queen's very Mother that is the victim of the Snowbeast's pagan blood lust.  In the ensuing chaos of the monster's attack on civilization, the Snow Queen's silver crown is trampled and smashed and the owner of the ski lodge herself--the old Crone, previously an unbeliever in the very real and furry incarnation of unbridled Nature, red in tooth and claw--is violently knocked down by the mob, probably breaking her hip in the process (and we all know what happens then).

I must also mention the cinematography on this film is pretty damn decent for a low budget made for television film.  The commercial breaks fade to a bloody red instead of the normal black and there are some moody 70s style lens flares from shooting into the sun.  The natural scenery is also used to good effect: the location filming adds verisimilitude and it really does look cold, capturing the eerie, almost magical feeling during the short days of winter around daybreak or dusk, when the sun is low in the sky--just barely peeking above the tree line--and shadows are long, and you can see your breath, and you just don't know what strange thing might be watching you from the dark woods beyond.

Best line in the flick:
The manager of the ski lodge is about to identify a crime scene victim: "I must have seen her somewhere, maybe I'll recognize her when I see her face."

Sheriff (after a pause): "She doesn't have one..."

Here's a clip:



That's all for now--see you next time.

Here's "Snowbeast" by Gary Busey Community College to play us out: