Snowbeast

Caution: Spoilers ahead!

Though not given a huge amount of respect from most aficionados of "les cinema du Sasquatch", Snowbeast is still a relatively well made, solid entry in the Bigfoot genre, even if it's not a beloved classic.  Written by The Outer Limits writer/producer Joseph Stefano--who also happened to write the screenplay for a little movie called Psycho--this 1977 made for television film follows the basic template set by Jaws a couple years earlier, with a bloodthirsty Yeti stepping in for the great white shark; instead of a quaint New England fishing village the setting here is a small ski resort town beset by increasingly frequent hominid attacks on the tourist population.

There are not a ton of monster scares in Snowbeast but what it does have are lots and lots of shots of people skiing and snowmobiling with just a sprinkling of sexual tension between the three leads (but unfortunately no fondue): Bo Svenson plays a down on his luck former ski champ; Yvette Mimieux is his long suffering wife who also happens to be a crack investigative TV news reporter who just recently did a story on the mystery of the Sasquatch; and Robert Logan plays her old boyfriend and manager of the local ski lodge that is under assault by the hairy creature.

Like a lot of other 'squatch flicks, the creature in Snowbeast is implied rather than shown straight out, mainly in first person view lurking behind trees and barns, backed by an ominous Jaws like score, with only an occasional glimpse of its great hairy hand.  I wasn't sure if they even had a full costume made for this movie until near the end when the beast is finally seen in its full glory and the film makers' restraint in showing only occasional glimpses becomes fully justified: that ain't no 100% yak hair, Peter Graves approved, The Mysterious Monsters Yeti costume, that's for sure!

And of course, Snowbeast doesn't let you down when it comes to the classic ol' hairy hand smashing through the glass window scene, an always appreciated stock-in-trade scene of 70s Bigfoot films, though instead of a log cabin bedroom or trailer home bathroom window, the Yeti in this flick smashes in a school auditorium window during preparations for the annual winter carnival celebration and the crowning of the new Snow Queen--though in a twist on the usual rite of the winter solstice, it is not the young and virginal Snow Queen that is sacrificed during this frenzied Bacchanalia but the driver of her chariot, the Snow Queen's very Mother that is the victim of the Snowbeast's pagan blood lust.  In the ensuing chaos of the monster's attack on civilization, the Snow Queen's silver crown is trampled and smashed and the owner of the ski lodge herself--the old Crone, previously an unbeliever in the very real and furry incarnation of unbridled Nature, red in tooth and claw--is violently knocked down by the mob, probably breaking her hip in the process (and we all know what happens then).

I must also mention the cinematography on this film is pretty damn decent for a low budget made for television film.  The commercial breaks fade to a bloody red instead of the normal black and there are some moody 70s style lens flares from shooting into the sun.  The natural scenery is also used to good effect: the location filming adds verisimilitude and it really does look cold, capturing the eerie, almost magical feeling during the short days of winter around daybreak or dusk, when the sun is low in the sky--just barely peeking above the tree line--and shadows are long, and you can see your breath, and you just don't know what strange thing might be watching you from the dark woods beyond.

Best line in the flick:
The manager of the ski lodge is about to identify a crime scene victim: "I must have seen her somewhere, maybe I'll recognize her when I see her face."

Sheriff (after a pause): "She doesn't have one..."

Here's a clip:



That's all for now--see you next time.

Here's "Snowbeast" by Gary Busey Community College to play us out:

The Hobbit 4: The Battle of the Two Hobbitses

The Hobbit (1977): Bilbo Baggins carries a big pipe

So I finally saw The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014), the third and final installment of Peter Jackson's hobbit trilogy this week which inspired me to go back and revisit an old childhood favorite: the 1977 Rankin/Bass animated adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit.  This was originally going to be a simple review of that animated version but instead morphed into my thoughts about what I personally think the live action films failed to accomplish that the much maligned made for television cartoon actually got right.

To wit, a simple bedtime fairy story that Jackson and company spent nearly eight hours to tell was accomplished in an economical ninety minutes in the Rankin/Bass cartoon; granted the cartoon omitted a few important threads from the book that are fleshed out somewhat in the live action film, such as Beorn the shapeshifting bear-man and the Arkenstone of the dwarves, and there were some interesting creative choices in the 1977 version that some might not have agreed with, ie: Gollum looked like a big frog, Bilbo looked like my spinster aunt Grizelda, the wood-elves looked like goblins, and the dwarves other than Thorin were all relative nonentities, but I think the Rankin/Bass 'toon still managed to capture the spirit--the tone--of the original book, creating a feeling similar to that of listening to an enchanting fireside fairy tale in a way that the live action films are less successful at, as Jackson's trilogy seems to be more interested in large scale theme park ride-like spectacle and bloodless CGI battles to small character moments, though there are a few sequences of wonderment in the live action films I really enjoyed,  especially Bilbo seeing the butterflies fluttering amidst the tree tops of Mirkwood Forest in the second film and the dwarves singing the Misty Mountains song at Bag End in the first.

Though at this point it's become a cliche to compare The Hobbit trilogy to the Star Wars prequels I think it's actually a pretty fair comparison and a good warning to avoid any big budget prequels in the future: I dutifully went to the theater and watched both prequel trilogies, and can even say I really enjoyed parts of them immensely, but that is as far as my appreciation goes: I liked them, or parts of them.  They were okay... I guess.  But the original untampered with Star Wars (pre-Special Edition) and The Lord of the Rings trilogies?  Those I LOVED--it may simply be nostalgia talking but the earlier trilogy of both series seemingly captured both lightning in a bottle and my imagination; they made me think about them even after leaving the theater, looking forward to my next viewing.  In comparison, the prequel films remained in my mind only as long as I was watching them, and once the credits rolled were then jettisoned from my consciousness--like the recollection of ever having seen Caddyshack II or Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, any feelings of goodwill instantly evaporated upon leaving the theater.  Will I ever watch these films again?  Possibly, but I won't feel compelled to in order to find enjoyment in their predecessors, just as I don't need to watch the sequels to The Matrix to fully enjoy the original film as a standalone story.

My main gripe with The Hobbit trilogy is what I consider to be its major fatal flaw: the expansion of a small story of an unassuming hobbit's adventures in the larger world of Middle-earth that could have been a tight, focused narrative told in one or maybe two parts being stretched out into a trilogy of three extremely long faux-epic action films (see the Narnia films for another example of off-tone faux-epicness infecting simple tales for children) that at the end of the day feel overly padded and yet somehow still incomplete.  For whatever reasons, be they creative or financial, this smaller prelude of a tale should NEVER have been super sized to the epic proportions of the esteemed film trilogy that follows it if only for reasons of simple aesthetics: the smaller, shorter story of The Hobbit is simply out of all seemly proportion when placed next to the truly epic The Lord of the Rings trilogy and thus comes across as bloated and artificial, and the over reliance on CGI characters and scenery certainly don't do it any favors compared to the real life locations and prosthetics used in the earlier films.

A trilogy of butt numbingly long films worked beautifully for The Lord of the Rings trilogy since that story was already an epic saga of good versus evil taking place during war time and those films captured pretty well the tone of the books.  I'm certainly not a book purist and realize some things described on the page may need to be changed or adapted for film but in the expansion of the smaller quest tale of The Hobbit into the larger tapestry of Jackson's previous Middle-earth films, the personal story of Bilbo Baggins--the title character and the audience's entry into this magical world--is overshadowed in favor of the larger geopolitical threads Jackson was more interested in exploring, but giving the director the benefit of the doubt perhaps that was done purposefully?  And that's saying nothing of the addition of invented characters like Tauriel (who I actually thought was decent) and Alfrid (who I thought should have been cut entirely or at least saved for the extended editions) or what could have been exciting cameos for sharp eyed fans of Legolas, Radagast the Brown, or Azog the goblin, who although they are all Tolkien creations don't actually appear in the original story but who have more screen time than a character like Beorn who actually was in the book but barely included in the film.  Did we really need to see back story and character motivations for the orcs and goblins to know these were the bad guys in these films?

A three film telling could probably have worked out ok if planned that way from the start, but since it happened so late in the production the end result was, for this viewer at least, a disappointing albeit not entirely unsatisfying muddle.  I think if Guillermo Del Toro stayed on as director we may have gotten a better, shorter and more magical hobbit story (in one or possibly two parts) than the trilogy of missed opportunities from Jackson we ended up with...and maybe the dwarves could all actually have looked like dwarves with full on ZZ Top beards instead of the well trimmed goatees and fashionable stubble we got on the "hunky" dwarves?  And there could have been less use of CGI and more use of bigatures and prosthetics?  And it could have been filmed on actual good old fashioned two dimensional 24 frame per second film instead of being shot on the ugly high frame rate digital that ended up looking like a big budget 3D soap opera?  I could continue but I fear I'm starting to sound like a Neo-Luddite now.

Of course at this point this is all academic since The Hobbit trilogy is finished and out there and is what it is, which for this viewer is an overlong bloated series slavishly bound to The Lord of the Rings trilogy, bogged down by endless CGI action sequences and full of missed opportunities to simply tell the story of The Hobbit yet--frustratingly--highlighted by occasional flashes of brilliance.  I think there was a potentially great film (or pair of films) hidden in this merely average trilogy.  It will be interesting to see once some time has passed if Peter Jackson ever decides to revisit the series and release an edited down one or two film version.

If that is not in the cards I unreservedly look forward to watching the inevitable fan edits that will trim away the excess fat to reshape the narrative so that The Hobbit is once again about a simple hobbit's adventure instead of what now appears to be the exciting action packed story of a vengeful one handed albino goblin, the forbidden love between a star-crossed dwarf prince and a she-elf warrior, and the greedy machinations of the cross dressing servant to the Master of Lake-town.  Oh, and the guy from the British Office guest stars as a hobbit too.

The Hobbit (2012): Bilbo Baggins carries a big sword

1/18/15 Update:
Well, that didn't take too long.  Some fine fellow has edited down Peter Jackson's three Hobbit films into one 4 hour long epic film, about half as long as the combined running time of the officially released films.  I haven't had a chance to watch it yet so would not be surprised if there are some parts that are a little rough around the edges due to having to work with whatever footage was available, but I imagine this will give a good idea of what a shorter one (or two if split) film Hobbit would have played like in an alternate universe.  Kudos to the phantom editor--I look forward to watching his take on the story.

Here's the link to The Hobbit: The Tolkien Edit:
https://tolkieneditor.wordpress.com

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

Though not necessarily a Christmas movie per se, this 1979 animated adaptation of C.S. Lewis' 1950 novel The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is inextricably linked to the holiday in my mind, both in its overt religious themes and its general snow covered wintry ambience.  Along with Rankin/Bass' version of The Hobbit, this made for TV movie was one of the gateway drugs into the world of fantasy literature for me, since I saw the cartoon versions first and then read the books they were based on later.  Thanks television!

Compared to the recent 2005 live action feature film or even the 1988 BBC miniseries, this version is a relatively low budget affair directed by Bill Melendez, director of the beloved trilogy of Peanuts holiday specials A Charlie Brown Christmas, It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and the slightly lesser A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.  Though it lacks the big budget sheen and special effects set pieces of the 2005 film, this is an extemely faithful adaptation of the novel with a narrative that moves quickly but is well paced and about 99% free of any extraneous padding, which is not something I would say for the 2005 live action film (or Peter Jackson's bloated Hobbit trilogy).  Obviously not as polished as a Disney production, the animation is decent for a made for TV movie, though the character design could be considered a bit wonky, especially for the four Pevensie children and their Brady kids fashions; there are a few scenes where these kids just look downright ugly.  Susan fares the worst, usually looking like some type of greasy haired encephalitic inbred; maybe she was just going through an awkward phase since once the kids are portrayed as adults they lose most of the ugliness in their original lumpy, pasty faced designs.

That caveat aside, this adaptation still manages to retain a bit of the "veddy British" cozy tea time atmosphere of the original story, a feeling of homely magic that I personally felt was more or less lost in the 2005 film in favor of Lord of the Rings-lite style battles and CGI spectacle.  And though I can only really remember a Minotaur or two in the White Witch's army of monsters and some Centaurs on Aslan's side in the live action film, this cartoon version features a whole menagerie of weird and bizarre creatures in the two armies, including but not limited to: a unicorn, a flying horse, a couple of dryads, a werewolf, a trio of witches and a plethora of assorted ghouls and goblins.  Not a bad monster count for a kiddie cartoon!

Here's a short clip:

Child of Glass

Sleeping lies the murdered lass,

vainly cries the child of glass.
When the two shall be as one,
the spirit's journey will be done.

Child of Glass is a great little creepy ghost story for kids that originally aired in 1978 on Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color.  Starring Olivia Barash (Leila from Repo Man and my first childhood TV crush) as the Creole ghost Inez Dumaine.  Also starring Denise Nickerson AKA Violet Beauregarde AKA the girl that turns into a giant blueberry in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory; though here it is the ghostly Inez that is blue tinted instead of Nickerson's character:

Be sure to check out the sweet poster for Laurel and Hardy's March of the Wooden Soldiers on the bedroom wall of young protagonist Alexander Armsworth during early scenes in the film.  Kid's got good taste in wall art!

Child of Glass is a wonderful film for children of all ages and has something for all members of the family to enjoy: a blue tinted ghost, a kid falling down a well, a drunkard handyman intentionally setting fire to a barn, a young girl that mysteriously dies while under the guardianship of her insane alcoholic uncle, a Southern cotillion that starts off great but ends up a disaster, bats, a leaning gazebo, a seance conducted by children, an adult chasing kids through a graveyard with intent to kill, and a broken heirloom lamp.

They don't make 'em like they used to!

Here's a clip:

Satan's School for Girls

Best title of a made-for-TV movie ever?
The Magic 8 Ball says "It is decidedly so".

The film itself is not too bad either, both as an example of the Satan obsessed Seventies and for having the mystical foresight to feature not one but two future Charlie's Angels stars in Kate Jackson and Cheryl Ladd (nee Stoppelmoor).

Here's a clip:

Duel

Another one of the great made for TV movies of the '70s that I had never seen before.

Don't have much more to say about Duel (1971) that hasn't been said before or better about this (David) Mann versus machine corker other than it's a lean, mean machine; a nearly perfect action film. The young director will go on to direct The Sugarland Express in 1974--he's one to watch!

Duel theatrical trailer:

High School U.S.A.

Two years before they starred as McFly and son in Back to the Future (1985), Crispin Glover and Michael J. Fox (billed here as Michael Fox) appeared together as respectively, a similar uber nerd and too-cool-for-school wiseacre in High School U.S.A. (1983).

Being a made for TV movie and thus not able to resort to the standard titillating scenes of T&A to liven up its fairly typical snobs versus slobs plot like its theatrical brethren would have, the creators of High School U.S.A. instead have their characters chastely trot out an adorable dancing robot...which they later proceed to cruelly euthanize then cannibalize for engine parts due to the ill fated automaton's heat shielding properties just in time for the film's exciting nail biter of a car race finale, so that's a pretty fair trade off.

Best quote is from Anthony Edwards, playing the main douche bag who is 180 degrees opposite in character from the lovable nerd with a heart of gold he played a year later in Revenge of the Nerds (1984): "Nobody breaks up with Beau Middleton; Beau Middleton calls the shots, Beau Middleton'll do the breakin' up."
Beau Middleton: what a douche bag!

The late Dana Plato from Return to Boggy Creek (1977) and the late Tom Villard from Popcorn (1991) also appear in small roles; I also noticed one of the minor douche bags in the movie was played by David Packer, who starred as the young alien collaborationist douche bag in V (1983) the same year.

A cheesy flick to be sure, but I actually really liked High School U.S.A. a lot, which probably makes me the douche bag for liking it.  Oh well; who's got two thumbs up Fonzi style for High School U.S.A. and cried like a little baby when Willis Drummond deactivated his dancing robot?  Ayyyyyy--this douche bag, that's who!

Here's the theme song:

The Night Stalker

I'm embarrassed to admit that up until last week I had never seen The Night Stalker (1972), its sequel or the short lived series featuring Carl Kolchak before--I was always a Trilogy of Terror, Gargoyles, and Don't Be Afraid of the Dark guy myself--but Kolchak really is right up my alley (1970s, Dan Curtis, made for TV, supernatural).  I had first heard of Kolchak back in the 90s when The X-Files creator Chris Carter admitted Kolchak was the inspiration for and spiritual godfather of Fox Mulder.

Since The Night Stalker is considered one of the great made for television movies of the 1970s, I probably don't have anything new or interesting to say about it that hasn't been said before or better by others, so with that caveat out of the way I will simply say I enjoyed his first outing immensely and look forward to seeing more of Kolchak.

A few things I noticed and/or liked about this movie:

• Darren McGavin was perfect as rumpled newspaper reporter Carl Kolchak.  I had really only known him before as the dad in A Christmas Story but loved him here as Kolchak.
• Kolchak drinks beer out of cans with pull off tabs!  His apartment is small and dingy and there's nothing in his fridge except a few beers.
• Along with his shabby apartment, Kolchak's car is also really beat up and rusted.  He's a real working class schlub which I can totally relate to.
• Hey it's Sheriff Lobo! (Claude Akins).
• I love the neo-noir jazz score that plays while Kolchak is running red lights trying to get to the vampire's latest crime scene.
• Best quote from Kolchak: "I've seen a lot of weird things in my life...I have never, EVER seen anything like this".  I wonder if George Lucas had watched this film right before writing Han Solo's eerily similar statement aboard the Millennium Falcon in Star Wars?

Anyway I'm looking forward to watching the sequel The Night Strangler and the series (which I just picked up on sale for around $25 at Barnes & Noble).

Here're the first ten minutes to whet your appetite: