Krull

How have I never seen this movie before now?

Then again I finally watched The NeverEnding Story for the first time just last summer so I guess there's always "new" stuff out there for idiots like me to "discover" (have you heard of that band Led Zeppelin?  They're totally awesome!).  Having picked up Krull on Blu-ray* for the low, low price of $4.99 (new) at my local MovieStop recently I have to say: I loved the hell out of this fun 1983 sci-fi/fantasy adventure, and I don't care who knows it!  As far as I'm concerned Krull is the best damn Star Wars film since Return of the Jedi.

Prince Colwyn rockin' the Glaive and flippin' the bird

This pulpy swashbuckling Saturday matinee mash-up of Arthurian sword and sorcery and pew-pew laser gun action involves a motley band of outlaws (including a comedy relief shape shifter, a giant melancholic cyclops, and a scruffy Liam Neeson) led by the Robin Hood-like Prince Colwyn (Ken Marshall, armed with a big five bladed ninja throwing star called a Glaive) as he and his merry men attempt to rescue Colwyn's betrothed, the Princess Lyssa (Lysette Anthony), held prisoner in the Black Fortress in the clutches of the villainous Beast and his vile army of Slayers.  It's got a rousing score by James Horner, which in my estimation certainly elevates it above mere standard B-movie status, along with some nice action set pieces, some inspired organic/bio-mechanical set designs and beautiful location shots; it also has a couple of actors that would appear together in Dune the following year (Francesa Annis and Freddie Jones), and even the future Keeper of Keys and Grounds of Hogwarts, Rubeus Hagrid himself (Robbie Coltrane).

In this age of overly green-screened, CGI Hobbitry/bombast, Krull is a genre flick that made this viewer particularly wistful for the craftsmanship and handmade artistry of pre-digital cinematic illusion: matte paintings, miniatures, prosthetics, stop motion animation (there's a lengthy scene involving a giant stop motion animated transparent glass spider that was particularly enjoyable); these ancient techniques are all used liberally and effectively throughout this fun film.  Certainly, some of these effects don't look 100% realistic--but then again neither did all the high tech CGI wizardry of Peter Jackson's recent Hobbit trilogy either (budgeted at a whopping $750 million versus Krull's relatively modest $27 million). And for a movie that depicts the magnificent, majestic creatures known on the planet Krull as Fire Mares (horses that are so fast that ribbons of fire literally burst forth behind them from their hooves as they run, much like Doc Brown's DeLorean when it travels through time!  Oh and they can fly too!) do we even care about realism?  Should we even care?

Still, regardless of how ridiculous the whole premise is in the first place, I say give me real live Fire Mares over CGI bunny-sleds any day!

*Just a few words on the Blu-ray: it's super cheap but looks good--crisp and clean while still looking very film like with lots of nice grain left intact, but there are NO extras: no subtitles, no alternate audio tracks, not even a chapter list, let alone a trailer; just a menu screen with a "play movie" button.  It does have chapter stops though, so it's got that going for it.  Hey, it's from Mill Creek, what do you expect?

Here's the trailer:

High School U.S.A.

Two years before they starred as McFly and son in Back to the Future (1985), Crispin Glover and Michael J. Fox (billed here as Michael Fox) appeared together as respectively, a similar uber nerd and too-cool-for-school wiseacre in High School U.S.A. (1983).

Being a made for TV movie and thus not able to resort to the standard titillating scenes of T&A to liven up its fairly typical snobs versus slobs plot like its theatrical brethren would have, the creators of High School U.S.A. instead have their characters chastely trot out an adorable dancing robot...which they later proceed to cruelly euthanize then cannibalize for engine parts due to the ill fated automaton's heat shielding properties just in time for the film's exciting nail biter of a car race finale, so that's a pretty fair trade off.

Best quote is from Anthony Edwards, playing the main douche bag who is 180 degrees opposite in character from the lovable nerd with a heart of gold he played a year later in Revenge of the Nerds (1984): "Nobody breaks up with Beau Middleton; Beau Middleton calls the shots, Beau Middleton'll do the breakin' up."
Beau Middleton: what a douche bag!

The late Dana Plato from Return to Boggy Creek (1977) and the late Tom Villard from Popcorn (1991) also appear in small roles; I also noticed one of the minor douche bags in the movie was played by David Packer, who starred as the young alien collaborationist douche bag in V (1983) the same year.

A cheesy flick to be sure, but I actually really liked High School U.S.A. a lot, which probably makes me the douche bag for liking it.  Oh well; who's got two thumbs up Fonzi style for High School U.S.A. and cried like a little baby when Willis Drummond deactivated his dancing robot?  Ayyyyyy--this douche bag, that's who!

Here's the theme song: