Autumnal Equinox

It's the first day of fall today which means it's time once again to check in on 'ol Ranger Asmodeus:

Megaforce

Despite official denials by leaders of the free world, sources now confirm the existence of Megaforce, a phantom army of super elite fighting men whose weapons are the most powerful science can devise. 

Their mission....to preserve freedom and justice battling the forces of tyranny and evil in every corner of the globe. 

This 1982 summer schlockbuster--helmed by stuntman Hal Needham, director of the beloved Smokey and the Bandit II (1980), The Cannonball Run II (1984) and Rad (1986) among others--is like some demented offspring of a Sid and Marty Krofft kiddie TV show and a U. S. armed forces recruitment commercial; it's basically a live action version of a 1980s boy's cartoon/toy line like G.I. Joe or M.A.S.K. but with characters sketched even MORE paper thin than the animated Duke or Matt Trakker from those cartoons ever were, and was undoubtedly one of the inspirations for Team America: World Police (2004).

I wouldn't in good conscience ever call Megaforce one of the great films of all time, but it certainly was pretty damn stoopid entertaining fun to this lunkhead.  Filmed using IntroVision, a pre-CGI type of front projection composited in camera, Megaforce looks pretty good even on my bare bones budget DVD, though with a 20 million dollar budget behind it had really ought to.  There's some nice miniature model work, some kick ass 'splosions, a few holograms/holographs, and lotsa, lotsa spandex with costumes designed by Mattel, but it's obvious the majority of the budget went towards the spandex, er, I mean the full size working vehicles used in the film: a whole fleet of motorcycles with machine guns and rocket launchers mounted on the handlebars (Pew!); tricked out dune buggies with slick racing stripes that shoot cool blue Terminator Future War style lasers animated by Ralph Bakshi Productions (Pew! Pew!); and even some crazy high tech six wheeled mobile computer lab thing with a revolving radar dish on top and everything (Pew! Pew! Pew! Beep! Boop!). Totally f'n awesome stuff like that, poppin' wheelies, jumpin' over tanks and shootin' stuff--20 mil worth baby!  Oh, and there's a cameo by a Rubik's Cube too.

I won't spoil all the details of the-film-with-the-catchphrase "Deeds Not Words" for anyone that hasn't seen Megaforce yet, but will just say the plot revolves around the theft of a cigarette lighter and something about the invasion of the fictitious and peaceful Republic of Sardun by the military forces of its aggressive and equally fictitious neighbor Gamibia, led by the ruthless Duke Guerera played by Henry Silva (who I recognized from a few old episodes of The Outer Limits) in a prescient foreshadowing of the eerily similar invasion of Kuwait by Saddam Hussein's Iraqi army eight short years later in 1990.  There are also references to a secret underground base in the desert a la Area 51 which houses this super elite international phantom army, along with a high tech computer system that monitors all global communications, friendly or hostile, with the personal information of every living human being on earth stored in the giant computer's data banks, creepily available at the touch of a button to members of Megaforce... paging Edward Snowden... oh wait, he won't be born until 1983 so wouldn't be much help in '82 anyway, so forget you melon farmer!

But enough about cigarette lighters, geopolitics and privacy (or the lack thereof in the modern age), one other thing Megaforce was way ahead of its time in depicting was FLYING MOTORCYCLES!  Yes flying motorcycles, though there are also scenes of regular non-flying motorcycles and dune buggies parachuting out of the sky from planes, I'm talking about honest to God flying motorcycles here: armored bikes with light sensitive paint, capable of running totally silent in stealth mode--though their normal engine sound is a deep electronic rumble similar to the legendary Evel Knievel's mythical Stratocycle; these bad boys can shoot rockets and laser beams from their handlebars, can emit a smoke screen in all the colors of the rainbow from their tail pipes, have a built in self destruct mechanism in case they fall into enemy hands and ALSO THEY CAN FLY!

A word or two must be said about the star of the film, Ace Hunter as played by a helmet haired Barry Bostwick.  Oozing oodles of goofy charm, Ace Hunter rocks a Jesus beard and baby blue silk headband to complement his standard issue body hugging spandex military uniform, as he quips his way through the film as leader of Megaforce.

How smooth is Ace Hunter?  His trademark move is kissing his thumb and then giving the thumbs up sign to his Sardunian love interest Major Zara played by the lovely Persis Khambatta, sporting a bit more hair here than she did in Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979).

The rousing soundtrack is pretty great with some nice music video era electronic synths and a patriotic sounding martial main theme by Jerrold Immel.  The best though is the totally awesome song "Mega Force" by the band 707 that plays over the end credits along with clips from the film.  This catchy hard rock guitar anthem also repeats on a loop over the DVD main menu so if you happen to fall asleep watching it, you may wake up humming along with the words memorized through subliminal osmosis.  Here's the aforementioned song over the end credits; but just a word of warning if you'd like to avoid spoilers, since this is basically a greatest hits montage of the entire film:



Best line is a toss up.  First one is from Duke Guerera the bad guy to Ace Hunter the good guy near the climax of the film:
"You're an idealist.  In the seventies we could be idealists, but today... it's too expensive!"

Later, Hunter says to Guerera:
"The good guys always win... even in the eighties."

Wait, what the hell?!?

And here's a trailer.  Enjoy!

We'll return after these messages...

Train at home for a better career in the burgeoning field of TV/VCR repair!

Enjoy this commercial for International Correspondence Schools featuring Sally Struthers: